Week 8 Journal: Part 1 Trauma

“Another night another person gone”

It’s been six years since the great war has been going on, and many have died coming through the hospital.

“I can’t do this no more” the doctor tells the young new nurse

The nurse responded “but doctor you have saved many lives over the course of this war and there’s many lives you can still save”.

“I might’ve saved a lot of lives but still a lot of people have died and my brain cannot handle this I cannot handle another one not again not ever”

My brain and my senses have gone from reality and there’s no way for me to communicate with my family and connect with my kids. This war has taken a lot for me, nodding my head I try to come for the other nurses. I've seen many great atrocities.

In my head I know nothing can change and I know that it will take a long time for anything to change in this world, healing will never come easy and my trauma will forever follow me until the end of my time.

“Do you know it’s been many years since I’ve had a good sleep and never had a nightmare” The doctor says to the young nurse.

I feel bad for all these young nurses and doctors who don’t know how to deal with the traumas and experiences of war and what they can do for a person. Seeing people die every day day after day after day really builds the trauma of seeing people dismantled and crying.

But once again my wind went back to my actual reality and the reality of my trauma closing deeper and deeper into my heart and the burden on my shoulders unable to be lifted. Sleeping overnight I remember the pain of all those dying in pain and sadness and more importantly dying alone.

It makes me uncomfortable to think about the fact that I cannot help the young and that the trauma moves on from generation to generation. But I hope this ends with me and then we can change it from this generation on into the future. That is my goal after this great war.